"Marvin, you sent me out for dried insects. And not just any dried insects, either."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just had a craving. I wouldn't have asked if I'd known it was going to lead to that."
"You wrote an entire chapter while I was out!"
"I wouldn't say 'chapter' exactly. It was more of an essay."
"An essay about sexual practices!"
"More about courting spiders, actually, but I can see where it might have appeared a bit ambiguous, at least from a human perspective."
"It certainly did. Really, Marvin, I don't mind your contributions from time to time, but..."
"You left, you see, and I got bored in no time. You were gone for hours. What was I going to do? Build another web? So I just hopped on the keyboard and it went from there."
"Don't try to make it sound like you hadn't planned it. You knew you were going to write from the beginning, before you sent me on an errand."
"I didn't! It was totally unexpected, I..."
"Marvin! Stop, please. You told the readers why you sent me out."
"Yes, but I told them..."
"I've read it. I know what you said."
"Oh."
"Yes, so please just stop making up stories. If you want to write, that's fine. Just check with me first, please."
"It's not as much fun if I check with you."
"No, it isn't, is it?"
"I just said it wasn't. Besides, sometimes if I do things without your consent, I might come up with something you hadn't thought of."
"Well, you certainly did with the arachnid procreation. And you've had other great ideas I didn't initially accept. Like the time..."
"Anyway, we can talk about this later. You should start writing another entry."
"Who says I haven't started already?"
"You did?"
"I did."
"So, our little chat..."
"Yes. And I did it on purpose."
"Uhm, so can you erase any of that?"
"Don't think so."
"Oh well. I guess I'll be quiet from now on, then."
Since their walk, Phil had been a bit moody. Every time Marvin called Phil's attention to it, Phil replied with something along the lines of "I'm just tired."
Jill continued to call, and the conversations varied. Sometimes Phil sounded chipper, others upset, and others apologetic. Occasionally, he even sounded defensive. However, no matter what the mood during the call, he always hung up and got sulky. And when Jill came over, it was worse. She seemed to accept Marvin well enough. It was Phil she had a problem with. He began to regret ever having invited her back into his life.
Marvin apologized for having had anything to do with it. Phil told him not to worry, but that maybe he just needed a major change in his life. Maybe, he thought, they should get serious about finding another place to live.
So Phil and Marvin started house hunting. Phil had asked Marvin to start searching the want ads in the papers, to see if there was anything interesting out there and to stir up some ideas. In the mean time, Phil would make some calls and visit a few real estate agencies.
Marvin couldn't understand what was so complicated about finding a new place to live. Any place with a roof could be a home if you put some imagination into it. He had even built homes where there was no roof, though those never lasted as long. Even so, he had seen enough human habitats to know that some people needed something a little more solid to live in.
Still, looking in the newspapers couldn't be that difficult, and it would be fun to find some advertisements. The only problem was that there was no newspaper in the house. Marvin thought hard, and an idea came to him. The Goodwins next door had all sorts of newspapers in their garage, all tied in bales and stacked against one wall. Those newspapers, or at least some of them, had to have classified sections.
So Marvin crawled next door - which took him a while, although perhaps not as long as you might expect - and climbed to the top of the stack nearest the garage door. There he started looking through the newspaper on the top of the pile.
It was tough going. The newspapers were tied tightly, forming big squarish parcels, and Marvin had to squeeze his way between the pages. Once inside, if he found himself in the wrong section of the paper, he had to crawl back out and try slipping in again a few pages down.
As soon as he found the classifieds, he found an appropriate ad. The description was short but it sounded enticing. For rent, furnished. Then he found another, and then another. For sale. Three-bedrooms. Recently remodeled. New Plumbing. Above-ground swimming pool. Town-house complex. 120 units. There was a lot out there. Phil would like these.
He ripped them out one by one as well as he could in the cramped space, pulled them outside the newspaper, and dragged them up on top of the pile. Then he sat rolling them neatly so that each ripped square of paper took on the appearance of a miniature papyrus scroll, an impression further enhanced by the old, yellowing paper.
When he finished, he crawled back into the newspaper and found a few more ads. He continued in this way until he had collected and rolled around three dozen ads. Then he made a hoop of webbing and looped it around the tiny scrolls, securing them in a bundle and returning proudly to Phil's place, the bundle dragging behind him.
By the time Phil got back home, Marvin had unrolled all the ads and organized them neatly on the table for Phil's perusal. Marvin waved as Phil walked in the door, looking a little tired. Phil came toward the table smiling, but his face slackened somewhat when he saw the presentation. Marvin suddenly felt anxious.
"Hi. How did it go with the real estate agents?"
"Not bad. I may work with one of them, but I'm still not sure. I have to think about it." His eyebrows came a little closer together, creating a wrinkle between them. "What's this?" He scanned the rough squares of text on the table.
"Advertisements. For houses. Some for sale, and some for rent."
"Yes. I see that." Phil picked one up, examining it more closely. He sniffed at it.
"What's the matter? You don't like them?" Marvin looked up hoping for a sign from Phil.
"Well, yes" said Phil, glancing at Marvin, who reminded him of a child showing his exam grades to his father. "It looks like a varied selection." Phil didn't want to offend Marvin, and he considered the best way to broach the subject. Finally, he said "They smell a bit like mildew. Where did you find them?"
"In the newspapers, like you said," Marvin replied.
"Yes, but what newspapers?"
"The ones in the Goodwins' garage."
Phil sighed. "Okay."
"They have a lot more," Marvin said, "and I can go get more if you don't think there are enough here. They have so many newspapers. You can find all the ads you need, right next door."
"Sure, but you realize," he said, picking up another of the crude cutouts, "that this one, for example, comes from a 1972 newspaper?"
" What's wrong with it? You don't like it because it smells like mildew? The price on that one looked hard to beat. And the print hasn't faded. You can still read the advertisements, can't you? Look at some of these. Solid wood garage doors. Isn't that great?"
"Yes, they're wonderful. But advertisements like this aren't current. I can't just call a number on an ad that was placed in 1972."
"But we could go see the places anyway, just to get ideas."
"I suppose so. But that's a lot of time investment for something I'm not going to be able to buy or rent anyway. I'm sure all of these are rented or sold."
"But just to get ideas..."
"And maybe some of them aren't even there anymore."
"Okay. Sorry." Marvin looked away at nothing in particular. "I didn't mean to waste your time."
"Don't be like that, Marvin. You had a great idea."
"Yeah, I see that from your enthusiasm."
Phil felt terrible. Maybe it wasn't what Phil had expected Marvin to do, but he had to admit the ads were entertaining. Colorful textured wallpaper. He laughed.
"You think it's funny? I didn't know what else I could do. You took the newspaper with you when you left. I didn't know where to look for ads while you were gone. And you said 'get some ideas' so I got some." Marvin looked like he might cry.
Phil's expression had changed as well, but for the better. He smiled warmly at Marvin.
"You know what, Marvin? I think you're right and you had a great idea. I didn't have a very nice time with the real estate agents, and I just left them tenser than I was when I left here."
"Why?"
"Because, my little fuzzball, moving is not fun."
Marvin thought for a moment. "But it can be if you make it fun. Or at least if you try to relax and let yourself fantasize a little."
"And that's exactly where I think you're right. Let's look these over and see what tickles our fancy. Maybe we'll feel inspired. Here, this looks good. For rent. Two bedroom. Full bathroom with jacuzzi/hot tub. Would you like a hot tub?"
Marvin crawled over to another ad. "I have Two floor apartment, double garage space."
"I only own one car," Phil replied.
"You might have visitors," Marvin countered.
"Ample living room. High ceilings. So we can hang the chandelier. All we need to do is buy one."
"How about this one? Million dollar views."
"I'm not sure I could afford that. Keep looking."
